OtaGonzo: Now I Understand

by otaking on Sep.07, 2009, under Otagonzo

Let me tell you a story.

Let me tell you a story.

I apologize for the whole L thing, which is overdone, I know. But I think this time it adds a certain level of poignancy to what has by now revealed itself to be a sordid tragicomedy. Please indulge me. I have artistic pretentions, and a sudden bolt of inspiration. :D

Let me tell you a story. A fiction. None of this is ‘true’, in that it is all conjecture, not backed up by solid facts. But it is an amusing story, and perhaps may contain a kernel of truth.

I will need your help. You have to load the [DRAMA BUTTON!] in another window or tab and hit it whenever I give the cue. Come on guys. Middle button click. Ctrl+Click. It ain’t that hard. Open a tab.

I can wait.

Seriously. You need the [DRAMA BUTTON!]

Ready? Let’s begin:

A Tribute, to One who has entertained us all these months with his sharp tongue and potty-mouthed, quixotic crusade.

=====

Boy loves Cosplay Girl. One of those unrequited but true loves that we all get at some point, raises our tolerance for Neruda and Rilke.

But then! [DRAMA BUTTON] Cosplay Girl gets her heart broken by one of those guys they tend to cast as the shady rival!

Boy watches Cosplay Girl crash her life around like bumper cars as a result, and resolves to save her from her fate. Because unlike his constant bashing, he is actually [DRAMA BUTTON] a White Knight in disguise as a Dark Destroyer!

He raises a small but loyal army to follow him on his quest, disguised as an anonymous crusade behind clown masks to end all cosplay as we know it with extremely blatant blind items, expressive indie-style comics satirizing actual events, and sometimes outright mudslinging, in order to further his revenge. They tear a potty-mouthed swath across the land, fighting mighty cosplay injustices with his mighty blog. He was the newest sensation!

But then the merry band lost their focus. The repetitive accusations lost their novelty. Picking fights here and there, with people who might have been receptive to his plight had he not been a total douchebag, attrition took its toll on the Boy’s knights.

But the Boy would not give up the fight. He would remember the purity of his love. He would take the fight directly to his enemy and he would destroy him, [DRAMA BUTTON!] even if it destroyed them both!

The clashes became more open, more public. The hunt for Boy’s identity was becoming intense, as was Boy’s savage assault on his rival’s reputation.

This was the moment, Boy realized. This was the moment to lay it all on the line, to prove once and for all that the fire had never died, that he had kept it safe within the shell of hatred he had built around himself, drawing the anger of the cosplay world onto himself. This was the crucial moment. This was the Reckoning! [DRAMA BUTTON!]

But in the silence and dark of his room, with only the cold light of the monitor to illuminate his tragic figure, hunched over a keyboard… He hoped that Cosplay Girl would at least look at him, once, before he fell in flames.

Next time on Because Blind Items Seem Way More Interesting! Will Boy finally defeat Rival Guy and win the heart of Cosplay Girl? Will Cosplay Girl ever forgive Boy for all the destruction he has wrought upon a helpless cosplay community? Who the hell cares! [DRAMA BUTTON!]

=====

This is a complete fabrication. I just made it up. But it’s a compelling story, isn’t it? Kind of a cosplay Count of Monte Cristo figure. Makes you want to cheer him on for fighting against all odds. Why don’t we cheer him on, everyone?

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